credibility.

It's been a long time.

Autumn has "arrived" and brought with it a return to routine which is very welcome in some ways.  But just when I have pulled out the ankle boots and considered how many pairs of tights I have without holes in the toes, New York City becomes a sauna once again and it is back to sandals and hair-off-the-neck-hairstyles and hesitating to go outside at lunchtime for fear of melting.  And just when I have returned to the hallowed halls of grad school and bought the linguistics textbook and downloaded the World Bank policy articles, an am I doing the right thing here panic creeps in, bringing feelings of uncertainty and confusion.  I want to be a credible something-- a credible teacher?  A credible policymaker?  A credible something.

I wonder about those people who seem to have their ducks in a row.  People who have "job satisfaction", doing something creative and fulfilling while making a living.  A living.  Savings accounts and seemingly endless vacation days and person-to-person contact every day that reverses the feeling of a job being an obligation.  Where do those careers live?  Who are those people?

I am lucky to have had lots of good experiences in my life thus far that have made me an enriched and curious person, but I am just sitting here trying to figure out how they will all fit into what comes next.

This is me just getting it all out.